6/28/07 08:36 pm
Intense chain of memories June 28, 2007 9:21 PM
Wow, I just had a long, maybe 20 minute sit remembering a bunch of stuff starting at about the second semester of 8th grade reaching to my second 9th grade year or 10th grade year in highschool.
Sort of a themed chain of decisions about who I am starting from their birth point my last semester of 8th grade, then hardening a little that summer when I was highschool.
Then I remembered some key figures in my life, teachers and friends, who I didn't really notice I had such genuine connections with. Luckily, it seems with such genuine connections, you don't have to try to hard for them to be there, and you have to try incredibly hard to severe them for life.
The folks I remembered being so genuine, I remember thinking how I had a better idea about the workings of life than they did.
One of these people, I even told this. This was before I got back surgery, so it must have been my 10th grade year, seeing as that is when I got chopped open. I told him, I was on a higher level than him. I had this thick spiritual-faced ego then. This friend, I remember him humouring me at that time. Then weeks later, after I had realized my folly, I wanted to exclaim to him what how excited I was and that I was wrong. I think the excitement part was to sort of try to keep face, but hark it was too late. He didn't seem to realize what I thought I was trying to say, and told me "There are no levels Bobby! You're a fucking dumbass! I don't want to talk to you." Like wow.
Just realizing you were wrong isn't enough, you still have to suffer the consequences of your actions. But good gosh, my reaction was to tighten up again, so I could still be right some how. I believed I just needed to get my chance to explain to him somehow. And this never really came to be, because we were no longer able to be buddies in high school. Saving face is foolish. And only probably in the past year or so I have really truly come to realize that. But Kevin was so genuine with me, that even his telling me to get fucked would resonate properly all of these years later.
It's good to know you have people willing to not feed your incorrect notions.
After the memories came, I had less back pain. Interesting.
-bob